I wrote a post a sometime ago asking why anyone would
want to be in a relationship. Why anyone would want to share his or her life
with someone who has a life entirely different from who they are. Taking a
careful look at it, being in a relationship is so much burdensome. I hear
people sometimes murmur words of regret why they ever went into a relationship.
Most people are just acquainted with the initial overwhelming
feeling of infatuation that comes when we first meet someone we love. Yes! You
heard me right…Infatuation. It is always present the first time we fall in love.
It is what gives us the initial drive of wanting to do everything so perfect so
we can keep that “perfect” peace with our partner.
And as strong as it came, it will always go, leaving
us to develop a principle on which to keep the fire of our love life burning.
But sadly enough, only few people ever learn all the need to learn during those
period of loving with infatuation. And because of that, when the feeling is
replaced by reality, only very little number of relationships survive the next
few years.
There is no perfect match in a relationship and as
such, there is no perfect relationship. But does that mean there is nothing you
can do to bring all the love, happiness, laughter and satisfaction you ever
dreamed about into your relationship? There is certainly so much you can do to
keep the flame burning!
It only takes determination and commitment to keep a
love life alive. No one needs a boring relationship. Even nerds don’t!
There are so many ways to keep a relationship strong
and healthy. Some are thing you can even think of that no one else has! Here
are some ways to spice up your relationship; the list is endless...
1.
UNDERSTAND
YOUR DIFFERENCE
Most people going into
a relationship are always holding the believe that the know everything about
each other and so, they cannot be trouble times. That is never true. One of the
beauties of being in a relationship is to know that there are new positive
things (and sometimes negative, but do not keep your focus there) things you
get to discover about your partner the more time you spend together.
Psychology shows that
there is a high difference between men and women. They are really like two
different people. Understanding your differences helps to grow your bond and
union stronger. You can always make so many mistakes when you do not know how
to use an equipment, how much more living with another human and maybe,
forever. You have to take time in every event and occurrence, learn about each other’s
differences. Do things together. Play games together. The more you two are
involved, the more you discover your different sides. And accept each other the
more. It will be a lot harder to step on each other’s toes once you begin to
take in the little details of your different view about things. You will never
know how much emotional a man can get until you ask him with a lot of care and
concern how a bad day was.
2.
DON’T
STORE BAD EMOTIONS
Keeping negative
emotions for long within us makes our heart grow sour and bitter. And if they
are kept a bit longer, when opportunity presents itself, we want to exert out
all of them in full measure to whoever is around. This kind of emotional build
up is not good for a healthy and strong relationship. When every part of your
heart is fed with bitterness, there is certainly no room for anything good to
stay. The feeling of love flies out the window.
Things will always
happen that put those feelings there, but it is your place to get them out of
you as soon as you can! Do not wait around for long or try to ignore that they
are not serious. No! Little by little, they will certainly become huge
grievances that make our life and attitude unbearable. If your partner ever
hurts you, you do not have to wait around for them to come and tender apology.
They may not even know they have done something to hurt you! Go talk about with
them in a presentable manner. Do not give them a piece of your mouth with it
because, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
3. BE BEST FRIENDS
One of the things that make
a relationship enjoying and lovely is the bond of friendship you share. Seeing
each other as very good friends rather than just marriage mate opens a door to so
many exciting lives in a relationship. Let me remind you of some
characteristics of a good friend: Friends always stick together. Friends may
quarrel but will always make up. A true friend will always be there for you. Friends
always look out for each other. Friends will always come running into your life
when everyone else is running out.
Make your partner your friend.
Be his/her friend too. Sometimes, being a wife /a husband can get really
boring, but if you want to make it simple, go back to being like high school
kids. Have you ever tried running around in the rain with your partner? Oh! You
think it only for kids. Then you are really missing out. Try it sometime. Agreed,
they are going to think you are crazy, but love has always been crazy. When was
the last time you helped in the kitchen? Or did the dishes without been asked? You
think it is a woman thing? You have to try it sometime; you will always get
some kitchen bonuses! That’s a secret...Tell no one! Remember, a friend in need
is a friend indeed. Take a break from being couples and just be friends.
4.
KEEP
IT SIMPLE BUT TRUE
Many people just love
to make things a lot so complex in their relationship. They just keep worrying
about something that may never happen. They are too busy guarding their heart
from the hurt of break up that they have forgotten how good it feel to love vulnerably.
Keeping things simple yet true in a relationship gives you an insight toward
your progress in building a strong and healthy relationship.
Do not neglect to do little
things because they appear so insignificant, they could be all you will ever need
to be happy in your relationship. Little things like passionate hug, a lovely
kiss, a pat on the shoulder goes a long way to liberate the heart from so much
troubles. Keep it simple.
5.
COMPLETE
EACH OTHER.
As I stated in 1, we
have our differences. The little differences we see in each are actually, what
draws us together to become more like one. Differences in our lives should not
be the reason for your unhappiness, rather, an opportunity to fit into the
world of each other even better. Because most times, they difference in our
partner are the things that we have in us as strength but because we spend too
much time complaining about the weaknesses in them, we hardly fit in to each
other.
Scientifically
speaking, unlike pools attracts! However, it applies to everything in life as
well. When we go about our relationship with the mindset of wanting a partner
who is compatible to us; see things our way, likes the same things we like,
hate the same things we hate, it’s really going to be difficult to fit into
each other’s life. Because there is actually nothing you will really have to offer
or contribute to the life of your partner. After all you both are just alike in
all aspect!
See the lapses in your
partners life as an opportunity to add value to their life. God did not put
those lapses there so you come to complain about them, but it was so you fit
into them to make them whole.
6.
LEARN
TO TRUST. AND DON’T BETRAY TRUST
You want to have a
strong and healthy relationship that gives you satisfaction and happiness? You must
learn to trust. Maybe you have been in some bad relationship in the past that
you got hurt real bad in the end, and you made up your mind not you ever trust
again… well, you are really going to miss all of the love there is in this one.
You have to let go off the past and make a conscious resolve to trust. When we
learn to trust our significant other, we are learning to open our heart to feel
loved.
As must as it is
necessary to open your heart to trust, there is a need to build that same trust
in your partner by making it easy for them to trust you. Do not betray their
trust for any reason. If you ever promise to do something, do not fail without
a good true explanation. If they have earn enough of your trust, the will be
very free to open up to you about the things that weigh in their mind. Do not
make this difficult.
7.
TRY
NEW THINGS TOGETHER
I remember a song I use
to sing when I was a kid. The lines of it are, “the more we are together the
happier we shall be.” There is no better way to get more bonded and intimate in
our relationship like when we share in doing new things together. There is
always this rush of happiness and complete satisfaction. You both should try
new things together from time to time; this opens your mind to the
consciousness of sharing and receiving love. Try new games, recipes, places, bed
skills etc. it makes you two grow stronger together.
8. ACT OUT YOUR LOVE.
You just cannot keep
thinking you love him/her. You have to understand what that means. Gary Chapman wrote it once, the five languages of love: Words
of affirmation (tell them you love them, say
it and mean it). Acts of service (do the dishes without being asked, take out the trash can too). Receiving gifts
(come home with flowers for no reason). Quality time
(go on a boat tour, go on a picnic). Physical
touch (hold hands when you’re watching television,
curdle together on the couch for a night sleep). There is always something
he/she loves so much but never says. You just have to find a way to figure out
those things then remember to act on it.
9.
DEVELOP
A GOOD WAY OF COMMUNICATION
With different people,
comes different ways of communication. To be able to always understand each
other, you must develop a means of communication that suites the occasion. Being
able to communicate your mind is one thing, but saying them in a way and manner
than make it easy for him/her to understand is another.
Communication is a two-way
dialogue but that doesn’t mean you do not have to pay careful attention in
listening to all that they always have to say. Keep your ears and heart open so
that when you answer, it will be suitable enough to provide the needed solution.
There is no point in carrying a long face all day or using passive aggression
to say things. Do not always assume that your mate knows what you are thinking
or going through. They may not. Because, they are not mind readers.
10. THERE ARE NO PERFECT PEOPLE.
There are no perfect
people, only perfect moments. Always expecting them to be perfect places a
serious burden on them. In one of the post,
I said that one of the ways of creating and living in harmony is not to
always expect people to be like you. We all have flaws, but working on them on
daily basis sharpens up our lives. It makes it easy for us to blend in with the
one we love. Always accept they are humans and always be ready to forgive them
even when they don’t ask. Everyone makes mistakes. Disagree but don’t become
disagreeable. Let your reaction during such times create prefect moment for you
two rather than a chaotic atmosphere. Love and accept them.
As always, feedback is welcome below!
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