I never really knew that the reason I had to be dealing with this
problem myself all these years was because someone will ask for my help
concerning this matter someday. I myself that many people claim to be so out
spoken and easy going have had a rough time with this for many years. It has
been a big challenge. It makes me worry a lot. It makes me jealous. It made me
easily angered. There were times it made me feel real dip hatred for people who
I considered were doing things to hurt me just because they were better than I
was. I have wept most of my life because of depression and the feeling of total
sadness and helplessness.
There are ties I could feel it like a real pain within me...as though
those people stabbed with a knife right in the heart. It’s always been hell
within me when I get completely overwhelmed by this feeling of inferiority.
I felt so bitter about life and kept asking why God created me so
terribly. These and many more where the things I constantly had to battle with
in my life. The worst part was carrying the moody face and shutting the whole world
out on me. It was PAIN! I couldn’t accept any help because I always thought
everyone was coming to tell me how they were better than I was. And because of
that I refused to take anyone’s hand or offer my hand. I always thought there
was no remedy for my problems.
When
I finally discovered by myself, what my problem was, I began looking out for
every available help I could get. That only happened because I realized myself
that I had a problem. And that I needed solution because it was ruining my life
for me.
I went from prayers and asking of help to reading a lot online
about how to deal with low self-esteem. I began writing and reciting to myself
almost every day about the many good things I knew about myself without waiting to be told or being told. I had begun
to help myself get out of my own pit even without the help of someone else.
I began loving myself sincerely without having any longer to
impose harsh judgments upon myself. I began treating myself good. It was at
this point a discovered that the tin line between suicide and bearing the
courage to go on or try again is just this:
Don’t ever give up on yourself. Because
then, nothing anyone says can make any difference.
When I finally made up my
mind to get some fresh air, I met a lot of people who were in muchc more
desperate condition than I was. I began reaching out to them seeing that I was becoming better at something than they
were. And always walking away from someone leaving a smile on their face taught
me a vital lesson: Those who are alright
have no need of you as much as those who are broken and downtrodden because
they know you are good at something: Helping them.
I
worked so hard to talk positively to myself...and even worked harder to
find every available opportunity that presented itself where I could offer a
helping hand. Because reaching out to someone was not really a challenge to me
in anyway. To reach out to someone who is in need was not really a challenge to
me.
That
alone told me that I wasn’t really as bad as I saw myself in my subconscious
mind. I discovered there was so much good and things about me that made people
happy and content when I meet them and always leaves them with hope at every
turn. This became a passion..
I began practicing the reality: It is never always about me. With that, that didn’t care anymore
about how people treated me or talked to me. Genuinely loving myself and
praying for more grace to reach out to those who thought I was better than them
in anyway became my goal.
When
I began loving myself, I began forgiving more easily and more readily without
waiting for apologies because I had started seeing people in a whole new light:
They were not as happy as I was becoming by forgiving them easily.
Being religious didn’t take away my low self-esteem...it didn’t
take away my feeling inferior. It didn’t take away my chronic depression and
excessive mood swing. I prayed, but praying wasn’t enough…I read but reading wasn’t enough, the only thing that changed me and is
still changing me is this: the way I chose to see myself and people in a whole
new light. I began renewing my thoughts about people and myself…I began
changing negative thoughts about them or me the moment they came to my mind.
I was better than I thought I was. Since I could genuinely love
myself...I began being honest in my judgment. I stopped comparing myself to people no matter what they do, say, wear
or eat...no matter their popularity...talent...fame and all the human mind
could think of. The word of God kept telling me I am unique. I didn’t fight to
get noticed anymore...I did better every day than I thought I was. And
since I could love myself, I could love everyone else just the same. not stay
at the back of things and places or among people anymore. I began reaching out
to people and situations. I spoke when it was necessary without fear any more.
I could easilt tell anyone their offence without looking furious or wanting any
pity. For years long now, I cannot recall when I was actually depressed.
I still fight the battle of low self-esteem but from a better perspective.
I’m growing stronger and better every day.
You can do d same. Take
time to think a honest thought of how much your love yourself and the so many
super things about you a lot of people may not know or see. Begin thinking of
how you can reach out to people. Don’t wait for people to come to you! That’s
one mistake I was making all my life. Tell GOD and yourself the kind of person you
want to be. Keep the word close to your heart. Never think people do what they
do because they are better than you are. Learn to filter the things people say
to you and about you. Use only what is helpful.
As always, feed backs are welcome. and don't forget to share if you loved reading. Thank you...
