Why Just "Moving On" Is Not Healthy In Anyway (Updated!) vDreams02:23 0 Comments

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul 

You see most people have these weird way of "healing" and recovering from a hurt. It's weird because for most it does not work. And I know it has been around for the many years and every possible thinkers has recommended this, you have heard this over and over again whenever you had been hurt in someway most especially in your past relationship. And that advice they give is this

"Let it go and move on with your life"

Or someone told you that the best way to heal a brokenheart is to "move on". But I want to tell you this, moving one does not and has never meant that you have healed. It has only always mean that you have decided to suppress your resentment and hurt and if you could find a way of putting it out there for those hurting you to see, you would.

I was having a talk with a friend of mine [we just became friends anyway] some months back and she was telling about her past relationship and how she has come to be in a place where she "feels incapable of loving". And what she really forget to also tell me was that she had also since then considered herself to always be a victim of breakups and emotional hurts every time, and that despite the fact that she is "incapable of loving" she still so desperately craves for love and attention, and that she finds she cannot control the instability in her emotion as to who and what she really wants and above all, the anger and resentment she still feels for her past lover to such an extent that she cannot consider herself ever speaking to him again for all eternity.

Her heart is completely sealed off she says. And what she doesn't understand as I tried sharing it with her was her inability to see that "moving on" did not heal her. It only took out of her reach the one person she so much wants to hurt too. 

How do you know when you moving on is not really healing? Well, I will tell you exacatly:

1. When you still feel a strong hate and dislike for whatever made you have to make the decision of moving on in the first place. 

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
― Shannon Alder

2. When the slightest opportunity presented you to have those people within your reach will only mean one thing to you and that is "am going to seize this moment and hurt them too".

3. When you realize that you now through everything else that comes see yourself as a victim of emotional hurts.

4. When you fidn that you are beginning to feed yourself with the "am incapable of loving" mentality.

5. When you realize that you tend to believe that every other person you give your heart to or every other time you let people into your life will only always end up just the same way. When you find it hard to trust people with your feelings.

“Moving on is easy. It's staying moved on that's trickier.”
― Katerina Stoykova Klemer

I could keep saying more but you already know what am driving at. When you find yourself here, them "moving on" was never the best move. Healing first then moving on was what you need. "But what difference is there between them?". I will tell you. The difference is this, when you move one without healing your still end up 

attracting the same experiences over and over again in your life and you keep hurting over and over again knowing somewhere out there is someone or people who have hurt you so bad. And you might even consider taking revenge, which will still turn out wrong.

Before you alway step on the throttle to apply the "move on" motion, first take time to heal. This is what letting go means. When you heal, the first thing you will realize is that you never again feel resentment or hate towards those people anymore. You can still very well talk and care and love them but now from the comfort of yourself.

Like Criss Jami says, “Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.” The truth is, no one owes you anything.

Let me help you understand me here with these words: 

"One day you're going to miss the subway because it's not going to come. One of these days, it's going to break down and it's not going to come around and everyone else will just wait for the next one or will take the bus, or walk, or run to the next station: they will go on with their lives. And you're not going to be able to go on with your life! You'll be standing there, in the subway station, staring at the tube. Why? Because you think that everything has to happen perfectly and on time and when you think it's going to happen! Well guess what! That's not how things happen! And you'll be the only one who's not going to be able to go on with life, just because your subway broke down. So you know what, you've got to let go, you've got to know that things don't happen the way you think they're going to happen, but that's okay, because there's always the bus, there's always the next station...you can always take a cab.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Say this somewhere and thought it will help you better to understand what am trying to say..."What so many people who are teaching the Law of Attraction don't seem to understand however - or at least don't communicate it in how they are teaching it - is that changing that ego programming now does not make the emotional energy from the past disappear. We cannot just start being in the Now and let go of the past (except in the moment - the more we heal the more ability we have to let go of the past and be present in the moment for more moments of the day.) We have repressed, suppressed, pressurized emotional energy within us in relationship to our emotional wounds. That is why it is so important to do the grief work to release some of that energy - to take power from those emotional "buttons" that dictate our reactions in intimate relationships. We can't just start being spiritual in our relationships with other human beings without healing those emotional wounds from the past - releasing some of that repressed emotional energy." - The Metaphysics Of Emotions